What is the LGBTQ+ Community Actually Asking of Us?
There’s no topic in which I’ve been engaged more during my adult years than sexuality and the Church. My hope and prayer has been to be able to participate in real, honest, open, safe, and loving conversations about these questions. I don’t think we all need to agree - in fact, I know we won’t - but we need to be ready to listen and learn from one another without discounting each other’s faith or love of Scripture. In order to do that, we must address how we enter into the discussion.
It’s so easy to stereotype and dismiss others who don’t think like us. When we do that, we discount their input and experience, and in some cases, their humanity as well. When discussing hot-button topics like sexuality, we often label each other as Conservative or Liberal - terms which often carry all kinds of negative adjectives as well. But what if we decided to listen to each other and actually wait to respond without projecting our own ideas first? How might that shape the way we interact? Let me tell you what I mean from my experience.
I grew up in a church that has always believed marriage to be prescribed by God as a life-long union between one man and one woman - the church in which I currently serve holds the same view. Although there’s a wide variety of opinions on gender and sexuality, and although many within our church don’t agree with this conclusion, this is what our confession of faith says. That’s not to say anything about our church’s future, but I think we just need to be honest about where we currently stand on the subject. We continue to engage and discern together, longing to follow the leading of God’s spirit.
In the last 7 years, I’ve encountered some extremely faithful, loving, and committed Christians; and after years of knowing them, found out they are LGBTQ+. That hit me hard, because I realized that whenever I engage in this topic, I’m not talking about an issue, but about people whom I love and respect. And I’ve also realized that what they want from the church isn’t what I was told growing up.
As I’ve engaged in conversations with Christians from the traditional spectrum, I’ve heard a lot of talk about a liberal/gay agenda, attacks on the truth, reverse discrimination, and sliding down a slippery slope. I hear other comments too - none that are worth repeating here. But the more I’ve listened, the more I’ve realized that these remarks are unhelpful, destructive, and simply untrue.
I understand that many of my traditional friends feel attacked, cornered, and afraid of this conversation and the expectations that come with it. So I decided to ask some of my LGBTQ+ friends, as well as some affirming parents and/or pastors what they think. How should we even engage this conversation? From their perspective, what do LGBTQ+ Christians expect of the Church?
“Accept our invitation to the table - communion table, dinner table, discussion table. We have gifts for you, perspectives, experiences of God and life and love. God's grace does not require that you believe a specific doctrine before you can join us in relationship, but we'll need to trust and respect each other in order to experience ministry together, and become God's community.”
“I’m very fortunate to be a part of a congregation that values who I am as a person, regardless of my sexual orientation. The congregation empowers me to tap into my gifts and use them to provide leadership to the church, and to be who I am. I’m calling the church to give nothing short of a bold sense of love, belonging, and connection.”
“I think what I would ask Christians to do - as a parent, pastor, and advocate - is to get educated. Not about why you should change your position, but about why some things you might hear about LGBTQ folks are simply not true, and are not backed in any way by evidence, and are harmful to the process of trying to hear one another.”
"Many Christians engage on this topic having little to no true understanding about what they are talking about, as though their interpretation of Scripture is all there is to say on the matter. For myself, if a Christian hasn't read at least two books on the topic from an affirming perspective, I question their commitment to understanding. Most fear and mistreatment of LGBTQ+ people is rooted in ignorance, so a genuine commitment to understand goes a long way.”
One pastor responded by saying that the LGBTQ community is longing the same things we all long for - “Acceptance, Belonging, Love, Grace, Community, Worship, Teaching, Support, Challenge.…” We show love to them in the same ways we show love to anyone else - “Prayer, Visits, Potlucks, Food, Hugs, Caring, Hospitality, Asking Questions, Listening…. I know that sounds simplistic but in my conversations with the Christian queer community there is no hidden agenda, there is no reverse discrimination, there is no hatred but simply wanting to be a part of the community of faith like straight people are apart of the community of faith - no more, and no less.”
"I want the church to be the church. And to me church = love. Being church is showing love to ALL who come to church. Because we are ALL human and we are ALL children of God.”
Now I know what some people might be thinking: that this is just one sided. That’s true, but I’m writing out of my context and upbringing. I specifically want to address the misunderstanding of what is actually being asked of us as a church. My concern here isn’t where we land on this topic. I’ve been at it for 10 years and still find that I continue to develop my perspective. But if we’re going to be united as a church, and if we want any hope of entering genuine conversation, then we need to know that what is being asked of us doesn’t come out of a place of hate, discrimination, or pressure.
What I’ve encountered in my LGBTQ+ friends is a deep desire to belong to community, to engage with Scripture, to learn from each other, to educate, and to be treated like everyone else. If we can start a dialogue with this understanding, then I believe we will develop a much stronger community than we have right now.
In 2015, our national denomination (Mennonite Church Canada) put out a video called Listening Church. LGBTQ+ Christians who are a part of our Mennonite churches were interviewed about their journey and experience. I would encourage you to watch this and simply listen.